Music Box
by StormButt
Summary: While out in town, the bears visit a newly opened Korean novelty store. Inside, Panda finds a music box that he feels drawn to without explanation. It's price is steep, though it's song worms its way into his heart and he finds he is unable to let it go. It brings back... something. All he knows, is that its tune makes him feel safe.


"Dude, this totally isn't a soy latte," Panda whined as he sipped his iced coffee with one hand and browsed his phone with the other. "Ugh, I'm so leaving a one star review on that stupid coffee shop's place."

"Hot Chocolate's good!" Grizz said. He was holding his own large cup, currently overflowing with whipped cream, and occasionally licking and sipping around the edges waiting for it to properly cool. Grizz was seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were in the middle of summer. Either that or he was utterly impervious to the strong june heat.

"Ice Bear's ice water needs more ice," The third brother chimed in.

Panda groaned as he hit the one star button on his app and closed it before it prompted him to leave a review. His feet were tired, possibly because he had been walking ever since Grizz had the idea to drag them out into the city to have a day out. It was fun, but now that it was far past lunch and nearing rush hour Panda was starting to get antsy to catch a bus home before they were trapped in traffic for at least an hour. He walked behind Grizz staring down at his phone.

"Hey, isn't there a bus stop near here?" Panda asked, glancing around with a frown on his face. He couldn't remember the last time he or his brothers had even bothered to stop around this part of town.

"Dunno!" Grizz said a bit too happily for somebody possibly lost. He was currently rubbing off a bit of whipped cream he had gotten stuck to his nose and turned around to walk backwards and stare at Panda with one of his signature big, goofy grins.

"Oh!" Grizz said, bouncing excitedly. Panda was positive he was going to slip and spill hot chocolate all over himself, so he slowed his pace just to keep a safe distance. "We should TOTALLY hit up the mall before we go home."

"Grizz," Panda whined. "We don't have time! Besides, we totally blew all our cash on lunch and coffee."

"Ice bear has tired paws," Their brother commented from behind them.

Grizz gave a defeated if not childish sort of pout and gave his hot chocolate another sip before twirling around and groaning. He hunched his shoulders over dramatically. Panda rolled his eyes, and knew it would be about three minutes before he got over it. Grizz was always quick to hop between emotions when it wasn't something serious.

"Heeey!" Grizz said. Already his tone was back to normal, although unfortunately he seemed to have something new in his sights. He was like a bee on its way to a flower as he suddenly picked up speed and ran right across the thankfully empty street.

"What the heck!" Panda snapped, looking back and forth before following his stupid older brother. "Grizz watch where you're going!"

"Look!" Grizz said. He was pointing up and bouncing on his toes again. "Look look look!"

Panda looked up where Grizz was pointing. It was a large red sign in the shape of a dragon with foreign lettering. The sign itself was in english, and read "Kim Yung Discount."

"It's totally a chinese store!" Grizz shouted. "This is new! Ooooh look how shiny the sign is! Ahhh this is so awesome!"

"I think that's Korean, actually," Panda commented. "I recognize some of those from that one k-pop song where…"

"We should go in!" Grizz shouted.

"What?" Panda snapped. "Grizz c'mon we're gonna miss our bus! It's in like fifteen minutes!"

"Ice Bear does not want to be in heat wave in hot bus," Their third brother weighed in on Panda's argument.

"Please!" Grizz whined. He jumped forward and grabbed Panda's paw so suddenly and so tightly that it took all of Panda's focus to not drop his iced latte at his feet. He began shaking Panda's arm and tugging him gently in the general direction of the store. "Please please please pleasssseee!"

"Ugh, fine!" Panda whined. "Five minutes! That's it!"

"Woohoo!" Grizz shouted.

By some miracle Grizz in ten seconds flat managed to down his entire steaming hot chocolate whipped cream and all without so much as hesitating, and then tossed it into a nearby trash can before rushing into the store. Panda sighed and simply went in with his drink, and their brother followed behind him.

Inside of the store was about what Panda expected it to be. He would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit curious about a shop like this near the middle of town. It was small, especially for a big city. The carpet was red and that color reflected itself on the shelves and even parts of the wallpaper. There was an old asian man behind the counter with long tufts of hair coming out the sides of his balding head. He gave Panda a slight bow, and behind him Panda noticed their brother return the bow.

"U-Uh, hi!" Panda said, quickly mimicking his brother's bow although his was quick and awkward.

"Insamal, customer," The man said. Panda didn't recognize the first word, although he supposed it was probably some kind of greeting. He said it back, although it came out awkwardly on his tongue.

"Wonder if they have any anime stuff," Panda mumbled as he moved forward. His polar bear brother split off from him and Panda found himself alone walking down one of the aisles.

Panda could hear Grizz giggling excitedly just a few down and through the cracks in the shelves could see him picking up literally everything he could get his paws on. Panda rolled his eyes and took a slower, more subtle approach as he slowly walked down the row. He saw phone charms and incense and assortments of dishware made for what Panda assumed rice. It seemed as though it were a novelty shop above anything else, though he noticed the prices were higher than what he might find in the mall. He wondered if these were actually from Korea, or just imitations.

"This would look awesome on my blog," Panda mumbled. He lifted his phone and pulled up a camera app, stepping back to get a good assortment of small figures in a picture. By accident, he felt his shoulder hit the shelf behind him and he gasped.

A single, loud chime ringed in Panda's ear. He abandoned his phone quickly and turned on a dime, fearful he might have broken something. He stared hard, but nothing seemed broken. All he found was a large, decorative looking box. Panda found himself staring at it. It was colorful, painted in bright pink roses with what looked to be a temple or shrine painted with shocking precision on it's top. Panda reached out his paw, but hesitated for just a moment as the fear crossed his mind that he might actually break it. Despite it's size the way it was obviously painted by hand made it look delicate in a way. He pushed past that silly thought and pushed up. On the inside there was a small flower made of the same material as the rest of the box. It too was pink like a cherry blossom.

Panda picked up the box. He felt a small knob on the bottom, which he cranked until it would go no more before setting the box down.

The flower began to spin. It was slow, and mesmerizing in a way. The sound that emitted came out in a burst of gentle but precise keys that all caught in Panda's ears. It captivated him for just that moment where he didn't think about anything else but the way it looked and the sound that he heard. He didn't think of his phone, nor his blog online that would love to see something as beautiful as this. He simply just… watched. It wasn't until the end when he realized he had forgotten for the duration of the song to breathe, and his lungs burned with a desperation for air.

"Hey Pan Pan!"

Panda turned, and a demon greeted him. A hideous, red face with black eyes and devil horns growing out the top.

"AH!" Panda screamed.

"W-Woah, woah, it's me!" Grizz said, ripping the painted mask from his face and grabbing Panda's paw before he could run off in a panic.

"G-Grizz! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Panda snapped.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Grizz said. "Don't cry, okay?"

"Huh?"

Panda didn't realize it until that moment, but his vision was blurry. His eyes were stinging, and there was a thin trail of wetness going down his cheek. He touched just under his eye and tried to blink away the tears but now that he noticed them they wouldn't settle.

"Pan Pan?" Grizz asked. His tone was worried as he touched Panda's shoulder. "Hey, I just wanted to show you this cool mask. You okay, buddy?"

"Y-Yeah," Panda stumbled over his words but managed to nod. "I think my contacts are just messed up."

He was lying. Panda didn't know why but right in that moment he lied to Grizz about the reason he was crying. That reason was because he didn't know. He just… didn't know. There was a present and near overwhelming sensation of pain in his chest that he couldn't properly describe. He didn't know why it was there but all he knew was that it hurt.

"What's that?" Grizz asked. He was pointing to the music box and reaching out his hand as though he were going to touch it.

"N-Nothing!" Panda said, grabbing the box and snapping it shut before Grizz could get his paws on it. "Just a music box!"

"Oh," Grizz said with a frown. He seemed disappointed. "That's kinda boring. Woah, wait? This things a hundred dollars?"

"Huh?" Panda cried out. He looked down at the price of which he had thoughtlessly neglected until this moment and felt his jaw drop in horror. Truly, the box itself was a hundred dollars. The price stared back at Panda, and for some reason he began to feel almost as though it were taunting him.

"Wooow," Grizz said. "O-Oh, wait! Don't we have to get back to the bus?"

"Huh?" Panda said, looking to Grizz.

"Five minutes, Bro!" Grizz said, grabbing Panda by the arm and attempting to drag him. "C'mooon!"

"W-Wait, I…"

Before Panda could think to argue he and his other brother were pulled out of the store. Everything resumed back to normal once they were outside, and once they were at the bus stop Grizz sat down and kicked his legs like a little kid talking about their plans for that eventing. Panda stopped listening around the time he started talking about movies and dinner and if he could have the TV tonight so he could finish the last level in his video game. Panda's mind was elsewhere. He was thinking of the music box.

Panda drifted in and out of conversation for the duration of the ride home. He was looking in his phone, searching up just about every idea he had to describe the music box he had found. He just simply didn't find anything similar to the painting with a flower on the inside. Once his search was proved to be fruitless, the pit in his chest he had been attempting to ignore grew larger.

If his brothers noticed that Panda was being distant, they didn't tell him.

One hundred dollars. Sure, it wasn't exactly a lot of money, but it was still a decent amount. An amount that Panda didn't have. He already knew he didn't have so much as anything to measure up to the price of that box even when he got home and went straight to his room to look through his savings. He had just short of fifty dollars, and groaned as he counted out the bills once, twice, and three times.

"Mmm," Panda whined as he settled his chin on the desk and buried his face into his arms.

It was stupid. He was stupid. Why did he want this thing so bad? Why did he even care about a stupid little music box? It wasn't anything like anything in the room he was currently looking around. Posters of anime and figures on his shelves. A little painted box didn't fit with everything else he collected. Yet still, he wanted it. He wanted it so bad he could taste it.

He still didn't know why he had cried. He gave himself until dinner to think about it, and during dinner he thought about it some more. He skipped out on the movie and instead went to bed alone, where he laid down and tried his best not to think about the empty feeling in him. He tried looking at his phone and browsing the internet to distract himself, but nothing was working.

Panda realized he didn't just want that box, but needed it.

* * *

 _A small baby Panda struggled to see its mother. His vision was blurry. Horribly, horribly blurry. He tried to keep his eyes closed the majority of the time because staring too long made him dizzy beyond words. Sometimes he would tumble down and need the guidance of his mother to get him back to safety. Sometimes he would simply just refuse to get up, because getting up meant trying to find his way around with eyes that simply wouldn't work for him._

 _Sometimes he heard voices. Voices of creatures who he knew weren't like him from the blurry outlines he saw of them. They stood tall on two legs not four. They all were wearing brown and blue clothing. Sometimes there were more voices past where the baby Panda couldn't see. There was a tall wall he could not get over. There were scents of other animals around him not like him._

 _Sometimes the baby Panda felt the body of another against his own laying down with him. This body was larger than his own. He was the smaller of the two. He knew that his mother was this one's mother as well. He knew that his mother gave his brother more food than him. He knew that right now he was very, very hungry and weak._

 _The baby Panda was pulled away from his mother and brother several times a day. He was given food he did not recognize as his mother's but still ate it to stop his stomach from hurting. He was in a room he did not enjoy, because he could not feel the grass. When he tried to look his vision was still horrible._

 _"I was afraid of this," A voice said. The baby Panda listened, though it made little sense to him. "Ugh, just our luck to get twin Panda's in our zoo. Looks like this little guy's the runt."_

 _"Momma ain't feeding him?" Another, deeper voice asked._

 _"Unfortunately not," The first voice said with a sigh. "Poor guy. He's getting starved out."_

 _The voice was of a woman's. The baby Panda felt her hand pet his head even though his eyes were closed. He felt her warmth and wished for it more. He wished, secretly, that he did not have to go back to his mother who had stopped feeding him._

 _"Eyesight's bad too," The woman sighed. "He's getting weaker, too. We might have to transfer him to specialist soon or else he'll die."_

 _"Mother's already abandoned him?" The deeper voice asked._

 _"Pretty much," The woman said._

 _The baby Panda was put back on the grass. His mother would not allow him to share her warmth with his brother in the cool night, so he went away stumbling in the dark and blurry vision until he found a wall. He settled by the wall and closed his eyes. Sleep did not come easily, and he lay there for hours upon hours listening._

 _He heard music. Soft, gentle music that played on a constant loop of a few minutes. It was coming up from over the wall. He wasn't sure why, but that music made it easier to sleep._

* * *

"So uhhhh, why are we back here again?" Grizz questioned.

"Dunno," Panda lied. "I liked it."

That excuse worked once. On their third visit to the korean shop in less than a week, Grizz was giving Panda a skeptical look. Panda didn't like to tell Grizz what he really wanted. The music box.

Grizz didn't argue, and Panda was left wishing he had just lied about his destination.

Panda had tried to replicate the feeling that simply being there had. He had taken countless pictures with his phone and both audio and video recordings of the song and spinning flower. Sometimes he would lay awake in bed watching them, and would feel just a small tingle of the feeling he had whenever he was there in person. It was never the same. He had to be both in there, and in the shop to fully experience the emotions. The captivation and calmness in him. A feeling like everything was going to be okay.

Only it really wasn't going to be okay. Every time Panda had left the store without the music box in his possession he had felt a little emptier. Each time he came into the store, he was worried it would be gone. Sometimes he would stand there for at least an hour just watching and listening to it.

Grizz had found him, just once. It was the day they had come into town to split up, and Panda hadn't answered his phone or gone back to the meeting spot when the time came.

"Dude, I almost called the cops on you!" Grizz said once he had finally found Panda. "Missing Pan Pan report, Dude!"

The walk back to their other brother was slow and tedious, because Panda was going behind Grizz dragging his feet. He was unable to lose the blush on his face that had appeared and persisted from the moment Grizz caught him standing there holding a music box. He supposed he should be grateful he wasn't crying again when Grizz found him, but somehow he thought it didn't really matter.

"So uh… You didn't leave that store the whole time?" Grizz asked.

Panda didn't answer.

"What do you want me to say, man?" Panda asked. "I-I don't wanna talk about it."

"What's with that weird box?" Grizz asked, raising his brow. He was giving Panda the concerned older brother look now. It was a look that Panda hated, because it never failed to make him feel guilty for one reason or another. He wished even he understood the reason, though, but currently he was just as in the dark as Grizz was about his feelings.

"I dunno," Panda said. "I like it."

"Dude, you were in there for like an hour and a half!" Grizz said. "It's just a stupid box! You can get one in a gift shop!"

Panda stopped. Grizz stopped too, and Panda realized his eyes were watering again. Grizz's words had struck some chord within him he didn't wish to acknowledge and now a flood of emotions were coursing through him. He closed his eyes and ordered himself not to cry over something this stupid.

"Hey, Pan Pan," Grizz said as he approached. "I didn't mean it like that."

Panda felt Grizz's paw touch his arm and Panda shrugged him off before continuing forward in front of him.

"Let's go home," Panda grumbled.

Grizz tried a few more times both on the walk and bus home to get Panda to talk to him. Thankfully, he seemed to quiet down once their polar bear brother was with them. For some reason Grizz seemed to think it would be embarrassing to explain in front of him. He went to his room, and ignored it when Grizz knocked an hour later. He didn't cry, but came close.

Seventy dollars. He had exactly seventy dollars from selling some of his stuff offline. It had started with trying to sell his art, which nobody had wanted. He went on to some of the old manga he hated and couldn't stand, which it turned out a majority of those interested couldn't stand as well. But now he stared at the websites and empty bidding only to realize nobody wanted the rest of what he had put up for sale. He felt a hole in his chest from the remaining thirty dollars, and thought about his manga.

Panda had one thing he thought he could sell… A signed copy of the first volume of his favorite Manga. He had bought it for fifty dollars imported from Japan. He couldn't read it, obviously, but he had his own english copy in which he had read a dozen times. It wasn't a fairly popular series, but something like this might hold real value in the western market. He stared at his copy for a long time, and flipped through pages he didn't know how to read and pictures of pretty girls on the inside which he still admitted he had secret crushes on. He could almost remember the story word by word from this alone. He tried to convince himself it wasn't like he was ever going to read it.

Panda sold it online, and somebody bought it out within twenty minutes.

* * *

 _Weak. The baby panda was so weak. It's belly was a hollow pit of despair and vision so dizzying from lack of proper sight that it could no longer walk._

 _He listened to the music day in and day out. Though he was fed regularly it wasn't enough. Wasn't nearly enough for what his body needed. He was cold in the night, but the chiming of the music was there. There were creatures like the ones who fed him gathering around holding items from up top that they ran away with gleefully as new toys._

 _"I can't believe he's still kicking," The deep voice said. "He's a real fighter."_

 _"He's almost old enough to make it now," The woman who the baby panda adored said as she pet him and fed him. "Shame the mother and son got moved. Poor guy here was too sick to go with them. I think he's sad."_

 _"What are you? A panda whisperer?"_

 _"Maybe," The woman chuckled. "But he is cute."_

 _The baby panda knew. His mother was gone. His brother was gone. All he had left to calm him from the despair building in him was the chime of music above the wall. He hardly left that wall unless forced. Though he was learning to get stronger and walk now, he didn't want to leave the music._

 _It was the only thing that made him feel safe._

* * *

"It's… gone?" Panda asked.

"Gone," The asian man behind the counter said.

"I… But…" Panda trailed off. He squeezed the bills in his paw. He had gone to the ATM early this morning and taken out the money he had sold his manga for. He had a hundred and five dollars on him, but nothing to show for it.

The panic had begun to settle in when he entered the store and the music box wasn't in its once familiar spot. It didn't truly begin to feel like true, undeniable despair until he got confirmation that just earlier today it had been bought. He had missed it by hours, and possibly minutes. He couldn't feel anything much less the ground under his own feet which threatened to topple and throw him to his knees.

"T-Thank you," Panda said before exiting the store in a hurry.

Panda went to the bus stop and sat there numb. He was starting to realize just how stupid he was. Just how much he had worried his two brothers with a silly obsession. He told himself it didn't matter again and again and again and…

He wanted to cry. He knew it was all silly and that it didn't matter but he had a sudden, undeniable urge to cry. It was still early in the morning and he was in a unique part of town, so he felt little shame in letting a few tears fall that he quickly pushed away with the backs of his paws. He sniffled and squeezed his bills pointlessly, thinking them useless.

Panda wondered if it would be different if he could have just asked. Grizz or his brother for a bit of money. He had thought about it, but explaining that he wanted it for something so unexplainable didn't make much sense. He felt awful for that now.

By the time the bus came Panda had cried out just about all he could stand. He sniffled as the bus approached and got on with his head hung low so the driver wouldn't see his puffy eyes or snotty nose. He sat in the back and tried to keep his emotions under control and stared at his reflection in the window trying to make sure he looked normal the closer he got to the woods near the cave.

He walked back to the cave slowly all while staring at his phone looking for something to distract him from the tightness of his chest. He just wanted to go and lay down and not think for a good solid… five to ten years.

Of course, living with Grizz meant that wasn't an option. From the literal moment Panda opened the door to the cave Grizz jumped up from the couch with excitement as though he had been waiting.

"PAN PAN!" Grizz shouted, running forward and nearly jumping into him. "Pan pan pan pan! You're home!"

"G-Grizz," Panda said, and realized just how tired he sounded.

"Hey! Um! So you should uh… hey, come with me, okay?" Grizz asked. "Oh, right, close your eyes, Dude!"

"Grizz, I'm not in the mood," Panda mumbled.

"Please please please," Grizz said, grabbing both of Panda's paws this time and tugging on him. "I promise you you'll love it!"

Panda groaned. He decided it was best to get it over with, because Grizz wasn't going to give up now that he started. He closed his eyes and allowed Grizz to leave him very slowly and gingerly through the living room to the hallway and finally… to the door to Panda's room.

"I think I coulda found my way here myself," Panda muttered.

"Shhh!" Grizz said as though Panda might spoil a moment. "Keep your eyes closed! Just… wait there, okay?"

"Fiiiine." Panda wanted to roll his eyes but given that they were closed would probably make that pointless.

Grizz rushed away, and in less than five seconds was pounding the ground running back and was forcing something into Panda's paws.

"Okay okay open!" Grizz said.

Panda did as he was told. He opened his eyes and looked down to his paws at what Grizz had given to him. He felt his heart nearly stop when he realized it was a box. A small white music box with flower petals and a shrine painted on it. He opened it slowly, and the flower was inside.

Grizz had bought him the box.

"I…" Panda said. He was lost for words all of a sudden, and his chest gave the sensation that it was going to explode.

"I-I don't get why you like it so much," Grizz said. He was timid all of a sudden, which was so out of character for Grizz Panda almost laughed. "But… when we argued on the street I felt all bad because you cared about it and… man I like totally had to scrounge up everything I had for this. Do you like it? C'mon, tell me!"

"G-Grizz," Panda repeated. His jawline was trembling.

Panda's eyes were watering. His paw instinctively went to his because he knew tears were going to start falling soon. Grizz's own eyes widened in panic as he looked as though he might have a meltdown at the idea of upsetting Panda even more. Before Panda could so much as hear him start to panic and apologize, he went forward and wrapped his arms around Grizz as tight as he could.

"Thank you," Panda said in a muffled tone, for his muzzle was buried deep into Grizz's chest. He felt like his body was about to start shaking and was settled only because Grizz hugged him back.

"It's cool, man," Grizz said.

They hugged for a while like that. It was mostly because Panda was pretty positive he was going to entirely fall apart without that support, but also because Grizz was not letting him go anytime soon. By the time they finally did part Grizz kept his paw on Panda's shoulder until they went over to Panda's bed and both sat down on top of it. Panda crossed his legs and stared down at the box in his lap.

"I-I can't believe you bought this," Panda said.

"Well," Grizz shrugged. "It's for my little bro. What kind of brother would I be if I saw something you wanted THAT much and didn't get it? Am I totally awesome or what?"

Panda couldn't help but laugh. Instead of looking hurt or offended, Grizz joined in and laughed even louder.

Panda turned the box over in his paws a few times. It was here, in his home, and away from the store. It was his.

"So, what is it?" Grizz asked.

"Just a music box," Panda said.

"I mean, why do you like it so much?" Grizz asked. "You can tell me, Pan Pan. I promise I won't make fun. I promise you can hit me if I do!"

"I… I don't know," Panda shook his head. "That sounds dumb, doesn't it? I just… It makes me feel really weird in this way I don't get. It's a good kind of weird but it also makes me sad. Arugh, I'm not making any sense."

Grizz stared, and then shrugged his shoulders.

"I kinda get that," Grizz said.

Panda looked to him, and frowned. He wasn't sure if he could believe Grizz or not. He knew he meant well though, so that's all that mattered.

"Will you play it?" Grizz asked.

"Huh?"

"C'mon, play it for me!" Grizz said. He was smiling big again.

Panda did as asked, and opened the box slowly and twisted the knob on the bottom. When it played he felt mesmerized. He watched the flower spin slowly and as the song died down he no longer felt the same pity and pain he did realizing that he would have to leave it behind. It was his. He could play it whenever he wanted.

"I feel like," Panda said, able to put it into words finally. "I've been looking for what this song is for a long time… A-And that it makes me feel… safe when I hear it."

Panda knew he was blushing.

"That's my job!" Grizz said, half laughing half whining. "I'm the one who's gotta make you feel safe! I'm your big bro, after all."

"Yeah," Panda said with a chuckle. Grizz hugged him again, and he didn't fight it but simply let it happen. When he broke off the two of them were giggling together.

"So what are you gonna do with it?" Grizz asked.

"I dunno," Panda said with a shrug. "I just… wanted it here. For when I can play it."

Panda stood up slowly, and looked to his bedside table. He set the box down gingerly and opened it so the flower was showing. He stared at it for a while, and realized how much he liked it simply being there. He heard the bed creak as Grizz stood behind him.

"Hey, wanna go play video games?" Grizz asked.

Panda couldn't help but smile. Grizz was impatient, and eager to always move onto the next thing. That was a good thing right now, because it let the moment pass. Panda reached out his paw and closed the box with a nod. He wiped where his eyes had been wet and turned around.

"Sure, Grizz," Panda said. "Only if I get to pick."

"Awww, no fair!" Grizz whined. "You always pick boring puzzle games!"

"No take backs!" Panda shouted as he went in front of Grizz and called behind.

With the money Panda didn't end up spending, he figured he had just enough to buy back his manga.

But the most important thing was that Panda felt safer with his music box beside his bed.


End file.
